Monday, September 04, 2006

Remembering September 3

I made it through another year and what a year it has been.
As of last night it has been 4 years since I lost my mother. Every year it does it a tad bit easier but the pain of losing her is still haunting my heart. I try to smile and be strong but inside I feel lost and weak still,as if it just happened and I can not see my way through the darkness.
I miss her so much. I struggle everyday, the stresses of daily life, but nothing compares to her lost. I feel bad, I lost my father recently and it just doesnt feel the same way. I loved him, but my mother was my rock, my support, my everything, my daughter's everything. How can I even explain to my youngest who has never even had the chance to see her, how can I explain how much she loved him?
I try not to think about everything that happened that faithful day 4 years ago.
I just try to live each day and love as much as I can, everyday because I know that tomorrow is not promised to anyone.
It was funny, I got my first few rejections(yup more than one. But not for my poetry,I have to become a better romance/erotica writer) and it didn't stun me but hurt me. It tried to dent my armour, this business is like modleing, it hurts when your on the outside looking in,but once your apart it, it is the best part ever. Being published makes a person feel that they have achieved something in thier lives and that thier writing means something to someone besides themselves. I started going over my work line by line changing,re writing, adding more detail. I will do this, I have promised myself because I want my mother to look down upon me and say That I finally made my mark. I want my kids to be able to say my mother is a writer and it means something. I know this field is not easy to break into and I know it takes work to achieve any goal or dream.
So watch out world, I am coming and then reap the whirldwind because I am a writer right now published or not!


Susan Abraham said...

That's wonderful to know, Raven. About how you view your craft. I love your dynamic, electrifying approach to your writing journey.
And your Never-Say-Die-motto.
I think you're a pretty good (higher than average) romance/erotica writer already. Perhaps just a bit of tweaking around the edges or that it unfortunately, just wasn't the right publisher.
And for all the rest of it, especially that bit about your mum, HUGS!

Raven said...

Thanks so much.
Every September is very hard for me. I know that she is in a better place but I still miss her like crazy.
Yea I am tweaking my work. I have gone over some of t and no one can read my mind so I need to add detail,but it is coming along and I am happy with it so far.
hugs to you,

Kelley said...

Yes you are a writer!! never forget that.

I'm so sorry September is such a hard time for you. I can't imagine how you feel. I love you and am always thinking of you.