I made it through another year and what a year it has been.
As of last night it has been 4 years since I lost my mother. Every year it does it a tad bit easier but the pain of losing her is still haunting my heart. I try to smile and be strong but inside I feel lost and weak still,as if it just happened and I can not see my way through the darkness.
I miss her so much. I struggle everyday, the stresses of daily life, but nothing compares to her lost. I feel bad, I lost my father recently and it just doesnt feel the same way. I loved him, but my mother was my rock, my support, my everything, my daughter's everything. How can I even explain to my youngest who has never even had the chance to see her, how can I explain how much she loved him?
I try not to think about everything that happened that faithful day 4 years ago.
I just try to live each day and love as much as I can, everyday because I know that tomorrow is not promised to anyone.
It was funny, I got my first few rejections(yup more than one. But not for my poetry,I have to become a better romance/erotica writer) and it didn't stun me but hurt me. It tried to dent my armour, this business is like modleing, it hurts when your on the outside looking in,but once your apart it, it is the best part ever. Being published makes a person feel that they have achieved something in thier lives and that thier writing means something to someone besides themselves. I started going over my work line by line changing,re writing, adding more detail. I will do this, I have promised myself because I want my mother to look down upon me and say That I finally made my mark. I want my kids to be able to say my mother is a writer and it means something. I know this field is not easy to break into and I know it takes work to achieve any goal or dream.
So watch out world, I am coming and then reap the whirldwind because I am a writer right now published or not!