Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Checking In with a Surprise...

Hey all, How's it going? I want ya to know I also blog at So, check me over there sometimes too. I'm chatting and traveling so please check back here or my myspace for info. I'm going to post a Free Read here before it goes up on my site.
I'm still working on a story called Torn. Here's a blurb:
Alyssa Kendall is a bookworm and movie-watcher extraordinaire. She lives her life in the pages she reads and the movies she watches. Never did she expect Julian Turner to have any real interest in her. When he saves her from becoming someone’s hood ornament neither could resist the connection. Alyssa wants to fall in love; she wants to throw caution to the wind with Julian.

Once she opened her heart, Julian suddenly has to leave. Shattered, Alyssa tries to put him behind her. Four years later they ran into each other again.
Can they pick up where they left? Or has Alyssa moved on with her life with stable and sexy Christian. The battle for Alyssa’s heart has begun. Can Julian and Alyssa find the spark they once had? Or does her heart truly belong to Christian. Find out in Torn.

This is the free read though. LOL Just a sneak peek into what I'm toying around with right now. So, I don't know where you guys are located but I'm on the East Coast and it's still a little chilly. The sun is out but it's cold. It's like a lie. You look out the window and see the sun shining, no clouds in the sky. And you say to yourself, "Self, it looks warm and inviting today. Let's go to the park."
You hurry and get dressed and ran outside to find it windy and chilly as hell! I guess it is what it is, right?

Ok what's up with this Twitter? I have to say I have a blogger, a myspace and a face book now I'm crazy about Twitter. I'm Raven K Starr over there so follow me. Wow it really sounds like an anthem for stalkers though. LOL

Alright I'm going to leave ya with my Free Read. Go on and read it you've deserved it. LOL
Talk, chat, Tweet ya all later.

A Legacy Lives On.
By Raven Starr

Taylor fidgeted in her seat, the hard back of the pew dug into her skin. The paper-thin material of her black blouse offered her little to no comfort from the scratchy wood. Her tear-filled brown eyes darted around as she tried not to look at the corpse in the coffin lying in front of her. Taylor looked up instead and marveled at the high vaulted ceiling. Three gold chandeliers dangled above her; they seemed to sway to the sweet lull of the organ music.
She swallowed back the huge dry lump of grief threatening to spill over and consume her right here and now. She blinked; her eyes fell on the beautiful lilac coffin containing her beloved grandmother. Her heart pounded in her chest, it thundered so loud she swore the whole church could hear it. Dots of sweat beaded on her brow as she tried to catch her breath.
She examined the casket for any visible flaws and found nothing out of the ordinary. What was she looking for? Taylor couldn’t keep her eyes from embracing her grandmother’s serene expression. Her brown skin seemed as soft in life as well as in death. Salty tears streaked down her face and she quickly dabbed the corners of her eyes with a white handkerchief with embroidered flowers.
The organist played as a member of the congregation sang a hymn that sent shivers down her spine. Taylor hadn’t been in this church since she was a child. What a shame her grandmother’s death brought her back inside these doors again. It took more strength than she could muster to pull her gaze away from the casket. She shook her head and tried to focus on the sermon that the preacher was giving.
A whizzing and hissing noise from the air conditioner filled the church making several people mumble complaints. Murray, Kentucky had been her childhood haunt, her home away from home, the special place where she’d spent summers with her grandmother. All those days were over. Every Sunday they would come to church, Taylor remembered her time in the choir and how her grandmother beamed when it was her turn to sing.
Taylor put a smile on her face as a slew of people came to shake her hand or give her a comforting hug. She wished the smile on her face was true, but all she felt inside was numbness. Her hands shook as the time neared for her to speak. Nervously, she picked up the paper with the poem she had to recite; it crackled loudly shaking like leaves in a fall breeze. Not wanting to disturb the service, she swapped the paper for her handkerchief, which she began folding and unfolding. ‘I have to keep my hands busy,’ she thought. “Idle hands are the devils workshop;” she could hear her grandmother say.
Her aunt’s big, soft hand squeezed her shoulder lovingly. Taylor turned her head to gaze at this woman, who by all rights should be sobbing and wailing, but instead was the epitome of strength and grace. Her aunt flashed a knowing smile and wink. Taylor knew she was at peace. Why wasn’t it that simple for her?
She remembered her own mother’s death and the way she felt then, is the same way she felt now, a jumbled mess of emotions stirring about in her soul. In the last five years, she’d had to live through losing her mother, and then her father two years later of multiple myeloma. After that death dealt her another blow when she lost a very good friend.
Now the crème on top, losing her grandmother made her feel as if the ground underneath her feet had disappeared and she was weightless floating in the ether.
Her grandmother always stood in her corner, silently and then sometimes not so silently fighting for her. Wave after wave of memory hit her as if she were sand and the waves dashed upon her. She tried stifling the urge to stand up and flee, weeping like a lost child. When her big brother stood up to speak about their grandmother’s life a thought dawned on her- death isn’t the end. As her brother told the church of their grandmother’s life, she’d learned things about her she’d never known. Her grandmother had worked at the Pentagon being one of the first black women to work there. When her grandmother turned her sights on helping the sick she became an RN. A true smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. No matter what life had dealt her grandmother, she always had a smile on her face and joy in her heart. Her grandmother’s strength was her strength; the same blood flowed in her veins too.
“Go with God,” Taylor whispered softly.
As the day ticked by, the cloud of anger surrounding her heart slowly began to fade. She looked down at her hands, they were no longer shaking and her heartbeat had returned to normal. Yes, she was sad her grandmother was gone, but she lived in not only the people she touched, but through each and every member of her family.
“Let your life shine,” she recalled the preacher saying. “People will not remember you for the car you drive or the clothes on your back. It’s your life they will remember; so let your life shine. Give all your troubles up to God and He will find a way.”
With all the death and hardships she’d experienced in her thirty-something years on this planet when it came to faith, hers was shaky at best. When pains struck, Taylor hid deeper and deeper inside herself, casting doubts on everything especially her belief in the Lord. But as the words of the Bible began to make sense, she decided to give her pain up to God and let Him clear it away. She closed her eyes and let out a long exhalation. This was not a time to question her faith or to let her anger guide her footsteps any longer.
She looked at her grandmother again and the answer was clear. It was time to stop running and face her fears of the darkness, instead of being separated from her family she needed to embrace them. No more should she run and hide, angry at God and her family most especially herself. It was time to let it all go, to give it up to God. For the first time since childhood she wanted to step on out faith and truly believe. If she had learned anything from her grandmother is she had her unwavering belief.
Taylor looked at every face in the church, remembering memories, laughter and tears they had shared. But in each family member she saw a bit of her grandmother. Her grandmother didn’t leave, her legacy lives on in the five generations she’d spawn.
This family had all begged and borrowed to come back home for Big Mama’s funeral. There were no complaints, just love and affection making the years of change while indifference become a shadowed memory of the past. Some of her family she hadn’t seen in years but it felt like a misty summer memory. But in everything she learned, love brought this family back together again. All the grudges were let go it wasn’t worth it. Living life isn’t what keeps a family apart, its living life without love and belief.
Taylor thought about what she had in Connecticut, a high-rent from a heartless slumlord who never fixed a thing, to a sprinkle of friends, but no real family. In all honestly, she had nothing but stress and grief, struggling to make ends meat all alone. If anyone asked her to describe herself in one word it would be lonely. Everything she wished and searched for had been right in front of her all along. All her doubts, grudges and silly misunderstandings ebbed away along with the frayed ends of her intense loneliness. Look at how far her family had come from the days of slavery and the wars that plagued this country. Her family had endured and stayed together. She shared a rich beautiful heritage, something to be proud of and something she wanted to share with her own children.
No, her grandmother’s spirit lived on inside her heart, with every shared memory her legacy lived on. Taylor finally understood where she belonged. She belonged with her family, thick or thin, good and bad; this was her home and her family. From this moment all she knew was the truth. To be able to trust in her faith in God and let Him guide her heart. She knew she could not outrun her problems any longer. It was time to truly believe and step out on faith. It was time to live in the light of the truth and not hide in darkness of regret.
Her grandmother’s blood was her blood and she would let her life speak for itself. With each day, she would let her life shine to continue the legacy of her grandmother and all of the people before her. With God’s help Taylor knew that this was just the beginning.

No comments: